ADHD and Me at 30
This blog post is scheduled to come out on May 22, 2023, the day after I turn 30. It’s been a crazy 30 years, but I am so grateful for the joys and sorrows of the past 30 years. I wish I could name everyone who needs a thank you, but I know if I attempted that I would leave someone out. So, if you feel like you have had a profound impact on my life at any time during the past 30 years, thank you. I not only feel gratitude for the people and events that have shaped me in positive way, but I also would like to extend forgiveness to anyone who has shaped me in a negative way. In a way, those who have shaped me in a negative way have shown me what not to do and how I do not want to be treated.
I also want to forgive myself. I do not have the benefit of the wisdom and knowledge that I have now. I did the best I could with what I had. I do feel like I am where I need to be in life. I am not at all where I thought I would be, but that is okay. I have come to be content with where I am, while still striving for more.
My life thus far has been 30 years of learning, 30 years of emotion, 30 years of opportunities, 30 years of growth, and 30 years of relationships. I thought it would be a good idea to write some letters to past versions of myself with words of advice and encouragement (without spoilers, of course). Please enjoy these reflections.
To Me at 25…
Dear 25,
I know things have been rough, and to be honest, things are going to get worse before they get better. I know that is not what you want to hear right now. You’ve come out of a dark time, and it looks like things are getting better. In a way, they kind of are, but you have more trials ahead. But, it will be worth it. The road you are on is the right one. Don’t get distracted by what others want you to be or what you think you “should” be. You will make a lot of great decisions for yourself this year. You say no to an opportunity that is not right for you because you are more excited by the opportunity that is right for you. You advocate for yourself. You face probably the darkest night of your life, but you make the right decision. As I look back from where I am today, I am so freaking proud of you. Keep going.
Love,
30
To Me at 20…
Dear 20,
I know this is a confusing time for you right now. You are trying to figure out what is going on with your brain. This is a pivotal time for you. You’re going to go through a lot of difficult conversations and decisions, but if you only knew what was to come, you would be content. I know this because that is where I am right now – contentment. No, it’s not going to look like what you think, but you’re going to like it.
Love,
30
To Me at 15…
Dear 15,
I know this is a weird time in life for you, but I want you to know things are going to improve as you get older. You will face more intense challenges as you get older, but life overall gets better. You will have the supports you do not have right now. Also, your decision to quit organized sports in favor of theater is a good one. Do not get discouraged from what you know will be best for you.
Love,
30
To Me at 10…
Dear 10,
I know you’ve dealt with a lot of changes in the past few years. Yes, things are going to calm down now finally, but they are not going to settle into what you expect. In fact, life is going to get dark. You are going to face things you did not expect. The way you view the world is going to be challenged. This is good for you. It will make you stronger. However, it won’t be easy. If I could let you know what is coming in less than two years, I would. Trust me, it’s worth waiting for. You might not think you can handle what is happening in your life, but you can. I am living proof of that.
Love,
30
To Me at 5…
Dear 5,
I know it is hard to make friends. You may or may not have noticed it yet, but you are different from most of your peers. That is okay. Do not ever think you are less than just because you are not the same as everyone else. Be proud of who you are. You have a good brain. It will take you to great places. You think things no one else does. This will give you opportunities no one else will have. Stay strong. Life will not always be easy, but it will be wonderful.
Love,
30
To the Me of the Future…
Dear 35, 40, 45, etc.,
I am willing to bet life is not where you expected it to be, but if there is anything I have learned from the past 30 years, it’s that I always end up where I am supposed to be at each stage of my life. Do not worry about not getting somewhere quickly enough. You are where you are supposed to be. Enjoy life as it is. Do not wish for a better one.
Love,
30
Afterword
I know I haven’t addressed ADHD specifically in this blog post, but it’s there. It has been there for 30 years. I feel like it is important to acknowledge it has affected many (if not all) areas of my life. However, it does not define me. I am Alex, not some guy with ADHD. I am Alex, and I want to keep that as the source of how I view myself. I do not want to be defined by ADHD. Sure, there are days when I am grateful that I have ADHD, but there are also days where I am not. I want to be able to enjoy myself as often as I can, and to do that, I must not define myself by my ADHD. I hope, dear reader, you do not define yourself or others by ADHD or any other condition a person might have.