Accountability: Are We Doing It Right?
A word I hear used a lot in the ADHD community is accountability. I am not sure that is something we should be doing. We talk a lot about having an accountability buddy or accountability partner to help us get things done. I think the ADHD community needs to re-examine our use of the word “accountability.” I have used the words “accountability buddy” in a blog post before, so I am not just lecturing others. I am just as guilty as others when it comes to misusing the word accountability. (SIDE NOTE: Am I the only one thinking about The Princess Bride right now?) The dictionary app that came with my MacBook Air defines accountability as “(of a person, organization, or institution) required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.” I don’t think that is what we mean by “accountability buddy” or “accountability partner.” I think we need a new word for how we are using the word accountable.
Candidate #1: Workability Partner
In a conversation with my mentor coach on the topic of accountability, he suggested I find a new word and suggested “workability” as a potential replacement. He mentioned the idea of “finding what works.” Using “workability partner” in this way would seem to suggest more than just checking in with someone. It would seem to imply working together to find how a person best operates. That is kind of what a coach does. If this is what you are looking for, why not hire a coach?
Candidate #2: Check-In Buddy
A “check-in buddy” seems to be the best description I can think of for how most people in the ADHD community think of accountability. This would simply be a person with whom you check in. You report what you have done and not done. I know a lot of people in the ADHD world for whom this works for them, but I find this arrangement lacking. I am not saying you should not get a check-in buddy, but I am saying, if I were engaging a check-in buddy, I would want more. I want to feel empowered to do what I said I was going to do.
Candidate #3: Empowerment Aide
An empowerment aide sounds like someone who helps you go from not being able to do the thing and needing someone else to do it for you to being able to do it by yourself. It is a temporary arrangement, in use until one has become empowered. I don’t think that is what we mean when we say accountability, though. I think we mean something else. Or, do we?
What Are You Looking for?
I think ultimately what this discussion boils down to is the simple fact that language is imprecise. It does not always say what we want it to say. We sometimes have to get creative to express ourselves more accurately. Even so, we cannot always say exactly how we feel, think, etc.
So, when it comes to the accountability you want in your life, what are you looking for? What do you want? How can you design a relationship with another person to achieve the level of accountability (or whatever you want to call it) you want? What does the other person need to do? It should be something that truly motivates you in a healthy way. It’s not about having someone breathing down your neck forcing you to do something. It should free you to do the thing. You should feel good about productivity. It should be fun.
What Are Your Thoughts?
This blog post is essentially my opinion. I cannot say with certainty that we are doing accountability wrongly. I just think we need to think deeper about our word choice. As I mentioned above, language is imprecise and can cause confusion. So, when it comes to this subject, what do you think? I would be interested to hear your thoughts. Please reach out to me if you have any thoughts on this subject.