We ADHDers tend to have a history of messing up. When you have not yet learned how your brain works best, you mess up a lot. This can lead to a lack of confidence, even in areas where we are naturally gifted. Unfortunately, we become prone to experiencing a great deal of fear, anxiety, and nervousness. However, that does not mean we have to be slaves to this fear. Instead, we can escape its deadly grasp and take back control of our life. This is something I learned through my experience in the theater.

I went to the 2018 International Conference on ADHD, and I feel it is my duty to encourage you all to attend this year’s conference. Trust me. You won’t regret going.

One thing that I have always struggled with is: What is normal? What is it like to not have ADHD? I am always going to have some level of distractibility. Even non-ADHDers do. So, where should I be? When it comes to treating and managing ADHD, am I where I should be? Do I need to be doing more? Do I need to up the dosage of my medication? Do I need to switch medications? Do I need more coping skills? Do I have non-ADHD issues getting in the way of managing my ADHD?

Confession time: I am a bit of a Trekkie. I have seen all of the Star Trek movies and every episode of every Star Trek TV show that has completed its run–The Original Series (TOS), The Next Generation (TNG), Deep Space 9 (DS9), Voyager (VOY), and Enterprise (ENT). I have come to greatly admire the Star Trek universe and all of the races and characters Gene Roddenberry and all who have worked on the various Star Trek projects that have been created over the years.

I am an introvert. Small talk is the worst. Meeting new people is excruciating. However, ever since I have started this job, meeting new people has become easier. Instead of feeling nervous about what to say, I yearn to be asked what I do for a living because I love talking about ADHD and my job. I have found that meeting someone I have never met for coaching does not give me the same uncomfortable uneasiness it once did. I find it exciting now.

In November, I published a blog post in which I said that marijuana should not be used to treat ADHD. I have not switched my opinion on that. However, while researching for the second edition of ADHD Talks, I realized that it was not as black and white as I once thought. In fact, it is quite gray (Do you like how this blog post’s featured image is a grayscale version of my previous blog post? That was intentional because of how this issue isn’t black and white; it’s gray. I thought it was clever). As of right now, I do not know if marijuana is a safe effective treatment for ADHD, but it could be.

Today’s blog post examines what we ADHDers can learn from one of my favorite TV shows of all time, Everybody Loves Raymond. This show has a special place in my heart because it is hysterical and has gotten me through some rough times in my life. TV Land first started airing episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond around the same time my first girlfriend broke up with me. Every night, they showed 2-3 hours of Everybody Loves Raymond, and that is how I stayed sane during that heartbreak. Since then, I have turned to this show when I have needed a laugh to get me through a rough stretch. Recently, this fantastic sitcom came up in a conversation with my coach, and he noted that this show might make a good subject for a blog post.

Everybody always shares the same old advice for time management. The three big ones are: Plan on more time than you think you need (approximately 1.5–2 times as much time as you think you need) to do a task, aim to be 15–30 minutes early for everything, and use timers/alarms/planners. You’d think after years of people saying these things that everyone would be so much better at time management, but they are not.

The struggles an ADHDer faces on a daily basis can take a toll on their mental health. When you mess up as much as an ADHDer does, you start to believe the negative messages you hear both from internal and external sources. This is especially relevant if the ADHD diagnosis does not happen early in childhood. The longer one goes without an ADHD diagnosis, the more one wonders, “What is wrong with me? I must lazy and/or dumb.”

Recently, I was talking about ADHD to a group of college students, and I said, “Basically, if humans do it, ADHD affects it. I had ten minutes to explain all of ADHD to these students (NOT ENOUGH TIME!), so I did not take the time to expand on that. However, I will here!

I write these words on the afternoon of March 25, 2019. I have just returned from watching a performance of Me…Jane: The Dreams and Adventures of Young Jane Goodall (which is based on the book Me…Jane by Patrick McDonnell which is based on the life of Jane Goodall). I loved it (and not just because my sister-in-law played the lead). In fact, I cried. More than once! This silly kids show made me cry. Therefore, I thought I would share what I found so moving about this story and what I think we ADHDers can learn from this story.

I have written previously on the importance of connecting with other ADHDers. Today, I would like to write to you about a unique way to connect with other ADHDers.

Life with an ADHDer is not always easy, but it is rarely boring. I was reflecting recently about all of the ADHD things I do that will one affect my future wife. I have compiled this list in the hopes that it might inspire you to warn your future spouse about life with you. If you are already married, feel free to enjoy the craziness that follows.

One of my least favorite ADHD stereotypes is the “SQUIRREL!” one. We ADHDers don’t go around yelling, “SQUIRREL!” every time we see a squirrel. That’s not a thing.

One day, during my Freshman year of high school, one of my teachers pointed out in front of the class that I had a weird sense of humor. “Yeah, but I’m not the only one,” I responded.

He doubled down. “Yeah, but yours is way out there.” At that moment, the conversation went from playful to isolating. I acknowledged that I had a bizarre sense of humor, but he went further and made me feel different. And, this teacher was a family friend! My sense of humor started to become a source of shame. I tried to hide the more bizarre side of my sense of humor, only sharing the humorous side that I knew others would appreciate.

One of the best ways for a person with ADHD to stay focused and be productive is to carefully choose the environment in which they operate. What do you need to succeed in each setting for each situation? You might need one thing while working and another while reading a book. Here are some things to think about when deciding on your ideal environments.

On the hit TV show How I Met Your Mother, the character Barney Stinson only has one rule (which isn’t true he has several “only one rules”): New is always better. Ordinarily, I would not recommend taking life advice from Barney Stinson, but if you have ADHD, new actually is always better.

I recently read (okay, listened to the audiobook of) Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by renowned sleep researcher Matthew Walker, PhD. IT. BLEW. MY. MIND. Sleep is crazy important. Because I read that book (okay, listened to that audiobook), I made several changes to my life. My sleep schedule is now quite strict, and I bought a new bed to ensure maximum comfort. In short, I learned that, if you don’t get eight hours of sleep every night, you’re basically screwed.

The cult classic The Princess Bride is one of the greatest films of all time. I will not take any arguments on that point. “Anyone who tells you differently is selling something,” as Wesley says. Not only is this movie hilarious, but it also teaches us some lessons I think are particularly relevant for those of us with ADHD.

Yes, there are spoilers in this post, so if you haven’t seen The Princess Bride, GO WATCH IT NOW. Then, come back and read this.

Our culture places individual achievement on a high pedestal. Those one-man armies are revered for their accomplishments, but oftentimes, what you do not hear about is all of those who have helped those people get where they are. The phrase “no man is an island” is old but still very much true.